Bonding Over Loss

Speaker 1 0:05

And laughingly , in our book we included towards the end we included a list of questions for book clubs and also another message , you know , to people who are reading the book and we laughingly added in the book send us a note about who you think would play us in a movie .

Speaker 2 0:30

Hi friends , this is Read and Write with Natasha podcast . My name is Natasha Tynes and I'm an author and a journalist . In this channel I talk about the writing life , review books and interview authors . Hope you enjoy the journey . Hi everyone , and welcome to another episode of Read and Write with Natasha .

Speaker 2 0:56

I have a very special episode today . I have three authors with me for the first time . I have Karen Smith-Rasicote , I have Karen Justice and I have Rebecca Lachance , and the three of them wrote the book called Widows Among Us Stories and Insight . So their book shines an insightful light on aspects of widowhood that have been ignored or unspoken for too long . So thank you , thank you for joining me today . I'm really excited to have all of you here today and I'm really sorry about your loss , about this tragic event , and if there's anything we can do or I can do from my part to help , please let me know . And so I think my first question is and I'm going to throw it out there , and you know anyone of you feel free to respond is how did the three of you meet ?

Speaker 3 1:53

Well , I'll start that story . We are , we're all involved in the Frederick area where we live in various organizations , groups and organizations , and kind of knew each other at least somewhat . Karen had put a question out in 2019 . She was going to be going to Morocco and was putting a group together and Rebecca and I said we wanted to go and I was going with my second husband my husband had passed back in 2010 . And I've since remarried . So Bob and I were going on the trip and Rebecca was going and her husband was still alive , and we did .

Speaker 3 2:29

And at the end of the trip we ended up in Esserra in a Berber Hamam which is a Moroccan spa , and we're kind of accidentally , a little more intimate than we had expected because by the time they got done scrubbing and washing and everything else we had not one stitch of clothing on , and Rebecca had made the comment that we were the only ones to see her tattoo other than our husband .

Speaker 3 2:55

So you know , that was kind of a that was a bonding experience that we hadn't expected and traveled together and everything . And then Rebecca's husband passed away about a year later and Karen and I , when we were traveling up to Michigan , her father was passing and I was driving up to Michigan and we started talking about Rebecca and how she had lost , and it was the middle of COVID at this point , this was 2020 . You know , had lost it . It was the middle of COVID , at this point , this was 2020 . And we felt that we should contact Rebecca and just kind of see how she was doing and everything else , in the midst of losing Frank and COVID . And I don't know if anybody else wants to pick up from there .

Speaker 4 3:37

Well , you know it was a time of not being able to really reach out and support people personally . But Karen and I had both been widowed . She'd been widowed in 2010 . I had been widowed in 2017 . And we knew that it was a difficult time . You don't know what anybody's going through , because every experience of widowhood is totally different , depending on so many different factors . But we wanted to reach out because COVID was such a time of isolation , so , not being able to go knock on her door , we could make a phone call , but phone calls are temporal , they don't last very long . So Karen had suggested that we set up a group on Messenger and we called it Accidental Haman , ladies , because our Accidental Haman experience was our set of humor , and so we just , sort of like , started messaging how are you doing ? Et cetera , and then we started traveling together . And so there's more to that story . We'll let you go with the questions you would like to know and we can fill in the blanks from there .

Speaker 2 4:51

All right , I like to ease in sometimes before I ask the tough questions . So well , it's not really tough , but okay . So you meet , you become friends , you have this intimate experience , you see each other's tattoos , all as well . And then and then , uh , you write a book together . So how did this idea come up ? Uh , were you guys like drinking drinking together ? Well , yes , not exactly a glass of wine okay okay , but I'm just curious how did this idea come up ?

Speaker 1 5:28

Well , as we traveled together , we went to Sedona , arizona , and the story is that we were making plans for a trip and I said I wanted to go to Vermont during the winter and they both were like , no , we don't want cold , let's go somewhere warm . So they chose Sedona , arizona . And so we were in Sedona , arizona in February , and it is cold and snowy in Sedona in February . So we were sitting on the porch of the place where we were staying , which had a lovely outdoor fireplace and , of course , the red rocks of Sedona were up ahead of us , and so we were sitting on the porch wrapped in blankets and our winter coats Maybe a little wine was involved , you know . Maybe a little wine was involved , you know . And we were talking about our various experiences but , more importantly , the things that we had learned about those experiences , and we said we should write a book . So the next day we drove to a Staples and bought color-coded legal pads and started writing . Oh wow .

Speaker 2 6:48

Why legal pads ? Why not like a computer or a typewriter or whatever ?

Speaker 4 6:53

We were traveling we were traveling yeah . We didn't have all that stuff with us , so we all had blue legal pads .

Speaker 3 7:05

On a personal level . I love to write pen and paper so I do put it into the computer , but I do enjoy doing just handwriting .

Speaker 2 7:14

Okay , so when , when was that ? When did you come up with the idea ? And you start writing immediately , like that time in Sedona how , how that was in February of 2023 .

Speaker 1 7:23

Like that time in Sedona , how that was in .

Speaker 2 7:26

February of 2023 . February of 2023 . So it's almost two years . So almost , yeah . So it took you two years to finish it . So how did the process of writing a book authored by three people who live , you know , I think two of you live in the same state and one live in a different state how did you do it and how did you decide on who writes what and who edits what ? How was the process ?

Speaker 4 7:56

Well , that day in Sedona , with our new legal pads , we started writing our own stories , because that's where the lessons were learned is in our own story . And then from that , actually it took us several months because we shared the stories and edited each other's and made comments and pulled things out of each other . And then in July of last year so what ? Four or five months later , we got together in Pittsburgh for three days and then it was only ice cream that was involved . But you know , pull people , you know Whizzy .

Speaker 4 8:36

Well , you know there were some things that when you first start writing your story , natasha , about a very emotional , traumatic event , you don't write everything down . And so we spent time in Pittsburgh pulling and dragging things out of each other and crying and laughing and being bribed with ice cream , and so we spent some time just writing our own stories . And then , as we were writing , we found similarities between us , we found differences and from there came , you know , the next part about lessons learned . And then , you know , I guess we didn't really get together in person again until February of this year , but we did a lot of Zoom calls .

Speaker 1 9:28

Yes , yeah , it was mostly over Zoom . Yeah , right .

Comprehensive Guide to Widowhood and Support

Speaker 3 9:33

And the book itself has morphed from the original thought was let's write our story and tell it to a handbook , to a practical this and to a that . So , as we wrote , and we also talked to a number of other widows , so we wrote our own story and that's the first half of the book of each of us , of our story through widowhood and our journey and becoming who we became afterwards . But the last part of the book there's actually three more parts . There's four parts to the book book there's actually three more parts . There's four parts to the book our stories and then three more parts .

Speaker 3 10:07

And those parts are not only from us and our stories , but other widows we talked to , like what were they feeling ? What was their biggest hurdle ? What you know , what do they wish they'd known ? And and in talking to all of them then we started putting together you know , what do people really need to know about widowhood ?

Speaker 3 10:29

Not just our story , but one section is how to be prepared beforehand from a paperwork , financial , mechanical , household standpoint , what are some things that you really should look at really early on , and one of them is , if you're a widow , these are some things you're probably going to be feeling and going through and it's okay , and other ones are for friends and family of a widow , because they often don't know what to say , don't know what to do , and it's kind of a guide for them . So it is , I'm going to say , all encompassing , because as we talk to other people , we realize that that information really isn't out there in a format that we feel is , you know , ours is easy to read and helpful in the same way , and so that's what it ultimately became .

Speaker 4 11:25

And what you asked us , what it was like for the three of us to be writing .

Speaker 4 11:29

All three of us are very different and we had different experiences as we became widows and we had different responses because of those experiences and because of who we are .

Speaker 4 11:42

So we looked at it differently and we also , then Natasha , looked at how we were going to tell the story and how we were going to write the story and how we were going to present the story a little bit differently .

Speaker 4 11:53

So you know , when you look at what I look at the book now , other than my story , I wrote my story with some editing and comments from them that encouraged me and changed a few things , but I wrote my story . But I probably couldn't tell you which parts of the other three pieces of the book I wrote I contributed to , because we merged our concepts and ideas so beautifully . I'm impressed with us because we really were able to coordinate our information and present it in such a way that you can easily identify us and our stories and if you know either one of us any of us , you would say yep , that's all her . But when you read the rest of the book you couldn't tell which one of us said what , unless we identified that we had done that , done so , and I think that's part of the beauty of the book .

Speaker 2 12:51

Okay , so there were chapters about each individual story and then there are combined chapters , correct or like how did you divide and conquer ? How did you divide the work If you have stories that are not related to your or chapters not related to your personal stories ?

Speaker 3 13:11

So the you know , like I said , the beginning is each of our stories and then the other parts we broke down . I mean , we kind of , in a way , started with this big , huge , long list , you know almost like a brain dump , and then started categorizing and everything else , and and part of it was the information . Like I said , the information that we had , and some of it was what are other women and widows asking us about and telling us about , like , what is it when we talk to somebody else and we're saying we're writing this book , what do they want to know ? Right , and so that drove a lot of the information that we put in there and how we ultimately broke it down . If you want to think about it , the book is in four sections . Right , first section is our three stories .

Speaker 3 13:57

The second section is called Mama's Teacher Daughters to be Widows and it is about preparing right , getting that paperwork and done , talking about finances , learning about your house and your household and mechanical items . And you know about your house and your household and mechanical items and you know just , and and you might not be the person if your husband passes , I am certainly not going to go downstairs and figure out how to work that furnace or the you know hot water heater or anything , but I do need to know who to call . So those are . Those are good questions as well . So that's part two . Part three speaks directly to the widow , what she might be feeling , the fact that she doesn't have to follow anybody else's agenda , self-care , et cetera , et cetera . And then part four is for friends and family of the widow , what things they can do , some do's and don'ts and support and stuff . So you can kind of look at it in that way of four different

Financial Planning for Widows

Speaker 3 14:56

parts .

Speaker 4 14:56

For example , let Rebecca talk about the brain fog and the second set of ears that's in the part about for the widows , and this is well . I'll let you explain it .

Speaker 1 15:08

Yeah , yeah . And in my story , part of what I experienced for about 10 months or so was a very serious case of brain fog . I mean , somebody would say something to me and two seconds later it was gone . It was just gone . I couldn't retain it whatsoever and , as I highlight , or I mentioned , you know that had a pretty stunning impact a year later , when I found out that I owed the IRS $1,200 because I hadn , that , when all of the funds were transferred into my name , that withholding would automatically occur .

Speaker 1 15:59

No , that's not true . And the second thing is , if my accountant told me to make sure that I had all that withholding restarted , I didn't remember it . I mean , it was probably gone by the time I reached the parking lot of his office . So that became a learning for us where we could offer a solution , and that solution is what we call a second set of ears is that , when you are going to all these different meetings , whether it's with your lawyer or your accountant or your insurance person , even your physician , to take a second person with you who has a notebook and they can write down what was talked about , what was said , what you're supposed to be doing , and you have it right there available to you instead of trying to I mean , I couldn't even try to pull it out of my brain because I didn't even know if it was in there or not , you know . So if you have that second set of ears to help you , it can save you a lot of money in the end .

Speaker 4 17:09

Well , yeah , because you said $1,200 , but you had a bill of $12,000 .

Speaker 1 17:12

Oh , I'm sorry , oh , did I say $1,200 ? Oh my God , no , it was $12,000 . Ah , yeah , it was $12,000 . Thank you for correcting that . Oh my gosh A big difference .

Speaker 2 17:23

Yeah , I like the fact that you mentioned finances and how to handle them . I heard so many from like loved ones who especially women , who lost their husband and they didn't know , like the passwords of the bank accounts , or they didn't really know anything because all their life they depended on their husbands to handle the finances . And just like figuring out how to log in to the bank website or any of those things . It was pretty daunting , especially in times of crisis . So how do you handle that ? Did you address that issue in your book ? Is it figuring out how to even get into the bank or who to call at the bank or what to do ?

Speaker 3 18:08

and all of that . So we do talk about different things that they should need to know . A lot of it has to do with finances , obviously , and insurance , and it's about having conversations with your spouse . Also , a companion that we have is actually a book that I wrote a number of years ago after my husband died , and it's called I Didn't See that Coming , and it's a place to put all of your pertinent information from your pertinent documents and kind of keep it all in one place . It's a spiral bound , eight and a half by 11 . It talks about your legal documents , your financial documents , your insurance and the information that's on them , and it's a book either for you or your loved ones to be able to pull out and have that information in front of you . And so that is one resource . There are other resources out there , so what we talk about is the importance of doing it and having conversations .

Speaker 3 19:05

For myself , on a personal level , my husband and I owned an accounting business . He was a financial advisor . I took care of all of the finances and the paperwork . None of that was a problem . The problem is I didn't want to think about life without him , so we never had those what if ? Conversations . We owned a business .

Speaker 3 19:25

He died very suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 49 . I was 47 . I struggled a lot because I didn't . I had depended on him for everything Like can I run the business ? Yes , I can . Can I figure this stuff out ? Yes , I can . But I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what the repercussions were of those decisions , because we'd never sat down and said , okay , what happens if ? And so that's one of the conversations that we , you know .

Speaker 3 19:55

One of the things that we highly recommend is having those conversations because it allows you to ask questions , get information and plan , and nobody wants to think about their spouse passing . Nobody wants to think about it . But the reality of it is there's a distinct possibility , it's going to happen . Average age of widowhood is 59 , a little less than 59 and a half , and so right there tells you that there's still a lot of life left after the average age of a woman becoming a widow . You might not need to know everything . If you're not the one that does the bill paying and the banking and everything , you don't need to know exactly how to do it , but you need to know where things are , who to call so that you can get stuff organized .

Speaker 4 20:41

One of the things we encourage people to do is get to know their financial advisor and their banker . You know , don't let your spouse , don't let your spouse , but be engaged with your spouse in talking to your critical advisors , with all of your money , your legal and so forth , because you're going to need that relationship should something happen .

Speaker 1 21:01

We also offer in the book something that is very practical regarding especially the idea of everything being on the internet and you need to know what the passwords are . And on our website you can get a free download for a page what we call the black book , and that book , you know , it's a page that you can fill out and put into a black binder so everybody can find it . But it's to list what are those accounts that are online , what is the password to get into that , what is the user ID to get into it , and we suggest that that particular Black Book paper is reviewed on a yearly basis and updated as time goes on . And for me it was a big factor because my husband belonged to over 300 professional internet groups and I had to go through and cancel all of those accounts and so I'm sure there are a few I missed . But it is a practical piece that you can use . Pull it out off of our website and you can fill it out and put it into a binder for people to use .

Speaker 2 22:19

Okay , so we talked about writing the book . I want to talk about publishing the book . So the book is coming out next week , right ? How did you go about publishing it ? Come out next month the 9th of january in january , yeah , um . So how are you publishing it ? Uh , publishing self-published , editing , all of that . What was your publishing process was like ?

Speaker 4 22:47

I have a friend who's a developmental editor , and so the first thing we did was run it past her and then then we redid it and since you write as well , you know , you know , I tell people we've probably edited , rewritten and modified this book probably 30 times , but the developmental editing was the start of it . And then we engaged a company May I use the name ? No , of course . Yeah , go ahead . Okay , we use a company called 1106 Designs which is in Phoenix , arizona , and they provide developmental editing as well . But we were already there .

Speaker 4 23:21

We engaged some beta readers to read it and give us some feedback . Then we edited it again and we sent it to 1106 , which did some other editing and then some proofreading and the cover design . They had a package that provided , once we handed them the manuscript in July , we have been working with them on all the following steps of editing and proofreading and modifying and page layout and cover design and collecting the . Well , we have collected a lot of quotes because we've been sharing things on Facebook and had some pre-readers in various levels and at times , and so we have some quotes that we were able to put on the back . So we sort of did a hybrid publishing . I would say Nobody paid us to publish our book , but we didn't go to Kindle and do all the steps by ourself .

Speaker 2 24:19

Okay , so you used Amazon KDP to publish it .

Speaker 4 24:23

Well , 1106 will put it on KDP when they finish .

Speaker 2 24:28

They're doing a regular trade-sized book , an ebook and a large print version doing a regular trade size book , an ebook and a large print version , okay , okay , and I also noticed that you're very active on podcasts and I went to your website and see you write a number of podcasts . Would you say that this is your number one marketing strategy that you've been using , or do you have other marketing strategies too ? And this is how we actually met , you know , you know through the podcasting , but what other marketing strategies have you used or you think that has the highest ROI ?

Speaker 4 25:50

Well , it's hard to define ROI so far , because we haven't had any books to sell .

Speaker 1 25:55

We have to go by ROI of the heart , yeah .

Speaker 2 26:00

Yeah , or the engagement , or the interest and all of that , and you can also look at pre-orders as well .

Speaker 1 26:07

Yes , we've had quite a few pre-orders that are hanging in line . They're waiting . You know , we've been pretty active in terms of not only doing the podcasting

Preparing for Widowhood Awareness and Education

Speaker 1 26:20

but also social media . You know , we have our website that we put stuff on . That's my dog , oh , that's all you . We have a Facebook page for the group . We have each individual Facebook pages and Instagram as well , and so it goes into all of those places . Linkedin it goes into LinkedIn as well . So , and then , not to mention that we all have very large circles of acquaintances who are , you know , our biggest cheerleaders , really , in terms of sharing the information . We jokingly say that we're going to well , maybe not as joke we're that we're going to hire karen , karen rascott's mom because I can't see from supply to the business cards .

Speaker 1 27:12

She's amazing how she sells the book for us , you know you know how moms are .

Speaker 4 27:18

My daughter did this . Let me share it with you . Yeah yeah .

Speaker 2 27:23

Yeah , yeah , yeah .

Speaker 3 27:24

So one of the ways that we you know , once the book comes out , too , one of the ways that we really want to , you know , not only sell the book , but really just spread the message and bring awareness to this topic and really reassure women that you know , this is , this is , this is the story , and and you will survive , and um . But one of those ways is speaking and presentations to either nonprofit groups . Ultimately , we'd love to do speaking at other , like other groups and everything . So we're reaching out not only to the people we know in our circle , but who do they know that we can , then , and kind of just kind of keep expanding that reach as well .

Speaker 4 28:03

And since we all like to travel you know it's , it's opportunities will probably be going to Pittsburgh , central Ohio , where Rebecca is , and Michigan this summer . We have some things planned there . Rebecca and I will be in Florida , in Jacksonville , in late February . So we've talked to rotary groups and expos for senior caregivers . We have things for Rotary still planned and to a woman's group as well . We've already spoken and going to do a second event with them and we have presentations at churches because we want to reach couples and say this is really an act of love , to know what to expect to take this . Like we said , mamas , teach your daughters to be widows . Nobody talks about it . We want people to talk about it so that it's not a forbidden subject .

Speaker 2 29:00

So do you think women do not prepare for being widows because , like , they don't want to bring out or inflict on them bad luck , like if you , if you talk about it , you're going to just bring it to yourself ? Is that what's happening , or what ? Why don't people or they don't want to talk about something that's going to depress them Well , part of what we learned when we were interviewing other widows and women or they don't want to talk about something that's going to depress them , so they just avoid it .

Speaker 1 29:22

Well , part of what we learned when we were interviewing other widows and women was that in many , many , many cases , their mothers and grandmothers had been widowed for as long as 25 to 40 years , but they had never discussed any of the process or any of what happened with them with their daughters , and so when the daughters came to this point , they were at a loss . They really didn't know what to do , how to handle things . We have run into women who don't even want to think about it , because their perspective has been you can't prepare for it , because it's just going to happen . No , it may just going to happen , but you need to be prepared to take care of yourself when that happening happens , when it occurs take care of yourself when that happening happens .

Speaker 2 30:26

when it occurs , Is there an age you think women should start preparing for or as soon as they get married ?

Speaker 4 30:29

Five years into the marriage . We say it should be a wedding present because , Natasha , the average age of widowhood is 59.4 years old and in America 2,800 women are widowed every day , that's huge .

Speaker 1 30:46

And I just met a woman . This week or last week I met a young woman . She was 28 years old she's , and so you know , age really doesn't need , isn't a factor , it happens and you never . You never know when that's going to be .

Speaker 3 31:10

I mean , and for me , I was 47 . So you know , Sam , and I thought we're like , you know we need to do this , but we have plenty of time , Right .

Speaker 2 31:20

Yeah , and it just you know . Yeah , you're younger than me , like I'm 48 now , for example and do you think there are some people who think , oh , this is never going to happen to me , it's going to happen to other people , and um , and that's why I think they stay away . You know , a lot of that is human nature .

Speaker 3 31:40

The . If I don't think about it , it's not going to happen . If I do get prepared , then I'm just bringing that on . If I ignore it and none of that is really like you're not going to affect , by getting the paperwork ready or not getting it ready , you're not going to change something right . But when something like this , an event , a traumatic event like this happens , like this , an event , a traumatic event like this happens , as you can imagine , you know , your life is just turned into chaos instantly . Right , but if you've had some of these questions answered and you've had a conversation and you have the finances in order and you know about life insurance policies and if you've had , if you at least have that , that that's one less chaos that you have to deal with . But it's a very prevalent chaos If you haven't dealt with it , because you know .

Speaker 3 32:34

I have a story of a of a woman who lost her husband around the same age as as Sam and I were at the time . He took care of everything , to the point where her names weren't on anything . She had no way even to get cash because everything was in his name and literally had friends giving her money because she couldn't do anything and it was just like , and she was like it's not that I'm a stupid person , I just let him take care of everything . I had no idea it would be this difficult . So you know little . It's kind of those ounce of prevention and having the conversation , knowing where things are going over it on a , on a , you know , annual basis , whatever it is , because it is , it's an act of love to say are we prepared for something to happen ? And if the answer is yes , then thank you , do you ?

Speaker 2 33:33

think medical scares might propel people to act . For example , in the summer my husband was hospitalized for two weeks at the hospital and I was alone taking care of the three kids and dealing with everything . And how like have you seen it with ? Like medical scares changing the perspective , or does not really ?

Speaker 4 33:53

I haven't seen that . I haven't . I haven't witnessed anybody for whom that's happened . I have a friend whose husband was ill and , um , within the last , you know , within three or four months of the initial hospitalization , he passed away , but I don't really know her well enough to know how well prepared she was . So that's the only person I know who had an illness that might have spurred something that I can , you know , I can think of .

Speaker 1 34:25

I guess the question really is , Natasha , did it make a difference for you ?

Speaker 2 34:30

I mean I think I was . I had the brain fog that you mentioned for two weeks , so I was on a survival mode and the only thing that I wanted , like I like-to-day , day-to-day survival , make sure that the kids and everyone is okay and they fit . And so I was not thinking about the like , the finances and what if , and I was just thinking a day by day because I was on a survival mode , honestly , and it's probably what you mentioned , which is the brain fog at that time , but I mean , that was like a few months ago . So now I'm in a better mental space and having this conversation with you Of course , this is going to , you know , make me think about how both of us are prepared , for you know what life throws at you at any moment , and that's the idea , right , especially since you have children .

Speaker 4 35:27

both of you , as you said , need to be prepared . He needs to know how to take care of the things that you take care of , and vice versa . Absolutely , yeah yeah , yeah .

Speaker 2 35:37

So I also noticed that you have a company registered as Three Widows LLC ,

Building a Social Movement"

Speaker 2 35:48

and I'm curious why did you decide ? I mean , looking at your resume , you're all , like you know , very well established in your career PhD , mba and so you had the business mind to create an LLC . And why did you decide to create an LLC for , I guess , the book or the future projects ? Where are you taking it ?

Speaker 1 36:08

Well , it's started out , as for the book , you know , so , that we had , we had a way to do our accounting and with an accountant , and so forth , and but as we've gone along and we're getting more and more requests for speaking , it's become very obvious that this is , this is more than just the book itself . You know , it's , it's , it's almost like a social movement , you know , and we're , we're putting energy into it .

Speaker 2 36:38

Do you know of any other groups are doing something similar ?

Speaker 1 36:41

Not as we are doing . There is another group that is run by a woman here in the United States , but her focus is more on international widowhood , dealing with widows in other countries trying to find parity for them Interesting .

Speaker 2 37:02

So , after the book , what are your plans ?

Speaker 4 37:05

Well , we'd all retired at one time and here we are with a new business . So Karen and I love to travel . We're avid travelers . Because Karen has a camper she can take her dog . Rebecca's got a dog so she can't travel quite as freely as us , but we're trying have something that we're trying to dream up . What we're going to do next is our getaway plan , just to not be book oriented for a change . Uh , we'll be . We'll be speaking um and uh . You know , as rebecca said , this has been a movement since our idea in Sedona .

Speaker 1 37:45

It's grown in ways that we never anticipated and also another message to people who are reading the book and be laughingly added in the book Send us a note about who you think would play us in a movie . So it's out there . We'll see what happens . See what happens .

Speaker 2 38:20

Let me think Meryl Streep , maybe Sharon Stone , I don't know .

Speaker 1 38:28

Okay , two out of three , we're on it . We're on it , not a problem .

Speaker 2 38:36

I'm trying to think what's the name of that woman who did a movie about Alzheimer's ? The Redheads , oh , oh , julianne Moore , julianne Moore , yeah , yeah , she would be very good . She can play Karen , because the redhead .

Speaker 4 38:51

Yeah , exactly yeah , she's too tall .

Speaker 2 38:57

But okay . So I think you mentioned you're getting a lot of speaking gigs and I'm curious how people actually find you . Do you reach out or do people come to you ? And part of the question is also a selfish question , because I'm trying to get more into speaking gigs and I want to know your secrets and for anyone also who's listening , an author who also wants to get into speaking . So how , how did you manage to crack that code ?

Speaker 3 40:03

no-transcript because they know us , because of either them or a friend of theirs knows us . So right now it is primarily people that either in our circle or one level beyond our circle , but ultimately we'd like to get to the three and four people deep out of there . We don't necessarily know them , but we've been introduced or they've heard about us and contact us .

Speaker 4 40:32

Because somebody's at one of those meetings , somebody that we know , invited us to speak in a group , and somebody in that group hears us and they invite us to speak to another group , and somebody in that group hears us and they invite us to speak someplace else . So it's just a rolling ball .

Speaker 1 40:46

It's like a snowballing effect . Yeah , yeah .

Speaker 2 40:49

Hmm . So do you get anything from social media or not ? Not yet , not really .

Speaker 1 40:55

No , we did , we got one . We got one as soon as we put up the page on Facebook . We got one , which we are going to be doing in March .

Speaker 2 41:04

Yes , that's right , oh , that's great . So before we conclude , any final thoughts , advice tips for

Empowering Widows

Speaker 2 41:17

any woman who's either already rooted or not yet .

Speaker 1 41:25

But what would you tell them ? I think one of the things that we would like for them to understand is that and they'll probably catch that in our stories is that , yeah , widowhood sucks , you know . I mean , when you're in those early stages of being a widow , it's hard , it's tough , but it's not the end of your story , it's not the end of your life , and that you have the ability to step forward into a new and bigger future .

Speaker 2 41:58

Hmm , yeah , that's . That's nice to hear . Um , so for anyone who wants to buy your book , they just can go to Amazon . And what are your plans for the book ? Are you going to set up bookshops , libraries ? Where can people find your book ?

Speaker 4 42:13

They can find it on Amazon , as you said . They can also find it on our website . They could get signed copies from us on our website if they would like . And the book is not only on Amazon but it's on a company called IngramSparks , and IngramSparks is a company that bookshops and libraries order the books from . So once it is available there , then we will be doing promotion to the bookstores . They'll see a sense in saying to somebody look for our book , because people are too busy . It needs to be an immediate opportunity for them if we convince them that they should be stocking our book . So we're waiting for it to come out , and then we will approach the libraries and the bookstores and talk with them about making it available .

Speaker 3 43:04

And our website and maybe Costco yeah , maybe . Our website is three widowscom , so T H R E E widowscom and , like you said , as of January 9th , we'll be able to order the books from there , as well as Amazon . And , as Rebecca had mentioned , we do have some checklists on our website , so , and the checklists are for , um , uh , passwords and everything , but there's also like a financial checklist , like do you have or do you know , or does your spouse know , and there's uh , um , how to help a widow , and there is one . You know , if you're a widow , here's some things to think about . So we've got a number of checklists on our website that can be helpful .

Speaker 3 43:49

And I think the other thing that I would like to say as well is this book is not really just for widows , it is for all women , and it's not a book that you're going to be sad about or it's depressing or whatever . It really is a story of a woman's journey , three women's journey . Right , it the story , our story , happens to be through widowhood , but it I feel that it's a very engaging book . The feedback we have from everybody that's read it is that it's a very , very good read . So , you know , please do not think that you have to be a very , very good read . So you know , please do not think that you have to be a widow to read the book . You do not . In fact , we'd like you to read it beforehand .

Speaker 4 44:29

And you don't even have to be female because I have a man as one of my pre-reader reviewers and he sent me a text and said I'm having trouble laying this down and it's 1030 .

Speaker 2 44:47

Yeah , so , um , yeah , yeah , that's actually what I wanted to ask you is there a male equivalent of your , of your , of your movement or of your book , as others like a movement for , uh , or is it harder on women usually ?

Speaker 4 44:57

well , I don't know , usually the ones who were go ahead .

Speaker 1 45:00

go ahead , rebecca . Oh well , I was going to say yeah , women are usually . Statistically speaking , women are the ones who usually are the widows 70% of married women will be widows at one point in time . 30% of men will be widowered . But what is in our book ? Even though it's written from our perspective as women and widows , the information in it is extremely relevant to widowers as well , as my brother is a widower and he said he had wished that he had known this kind of information when it happened to him that he had wished that he had known this kind of information when it happened to him .

Speaker 2 45:52

Wow . Well , this has been really fascinating and inspiring and , again , sorry for your loss and I wish you the best of luck with your movement and with your book and your travels and your future projects , and for anyone who's listening or watching . Thank you for joining us for another episode of Read and Write with Natasha and until we meet again , thank you for tuning in to Read and Write with Natasha . I'm your host , natasha Tynes . If today's episode inspired you in any way , please take the time to review the podcast . Remember to subscribe and share this podcast with fellow book lovers . Until next time , happy reading , happy writing .